If you wish you had more time for what matters most to you, take heart, it is possible!

Overcommitting leads to frustration, exhaustion, resentment, and potentially feeling burnt out. A simple yet difficult word could be at the root of the problem. No. It is one of the hardest words for many people to say. Primarily because they perceive “No” to be a negative experience. But what if that was only one way to look at the situation? After challenging my own people-pleasing assumptions about saying No, here is what I learned. There is such a thing as a positive no.

What is a Positive No?

Creating healthy boundaries begins with knowing what you need and then having the ability to clearly communicate with yourself and others. In William Ury’s book, The Power of a Positive No, he says, “You can learn to say No skillfully and wisely, you can create what you want, protect what you value, and change what doesn’t work.”

When you say “yes” to others, make sure you are not saying “no” to yourself. ~ Paulo Coelho

3 Steps to Creating a Positive No

First, empathetic communication is at the core of a positive No. I love the tool used by the medical community for communicating with empathy. E: eye contact; M: muscle of facial expressions; P: posture; A: affect; T: tone of voice; H: Hearing the whole person; Y: your response.

Second, allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to state why you are saying no. This gives you a chance to be seen and heard as well as create open two-way communication.

Lastly, practice compassion by showing you care about the other person. Put yourself in the other person's shoes, and consider how what you're going to say will sound to them. For example, you may say, “I know I can’t help you right now, but have you spoken to…? I’d be happy to put you in touch with them.” Or “I would normally be able to join you for Christmas dinner. Since getting married, I would like to start my own family tradition and be home this year. I value spending time with you. I’d love to cook us dinner after the holiday.”

Saying no with empathy allows you to remain authentic, strengthen relationships, and ensure your well-being remains intact.

Please leave a comment below and let me know what you think and/or share an experience of when you successfully used a positive no and how it went!

Till Next Time,

Angelina Beas